Jan. 20, 2014
Rev. Philip L. Boroughs, S.J.
Four years ago, about this time, many of you were watching the mail each day, waiting for word which would tell you that you had been admitted to Holy Cross. Then, six months later you arrived on campus to begin your undergraduate experience. Each year since has been marked by a series of courses taken, majors declared, retreats experienced, games won and lost, performances celebrated, internships completed, and immersion trips or study abroad enjoyed. And now we are here, at the beginning of 2014—the number which will always follow your name in Holy Cross annals—to start the spring semester, the last semester of your undergraduate career. From the beginning of your first class till now, you have, in fact, been preparing for this final semester, lining up courses, experiences, and credentials which will launch your next beginning: employment, graduate studies, service commitments, international travel, or variations of all of the above.
I know from talking to seniors at this time last year, there is both fear and excitement as this semester begins. Fear about the proximate ending of your time together and the quality of life you have shared; fear of the uncertainties about job and schooling which lie ahead, and fear as you wonder if you are adequately prepared for the next phase of your lives. This fear, I'm sorry to tell you, never really goes away as you move up in years and responsibilities. While our fears are real to us, and, some, if not all, are based in fact, simultaneously we often feel excitement about where we are in our lives and what we are doing. We know intellectually, if not in an equal measure emotionally, that we aren't meant to stay on Mount St. James forever, that if our Holy Cross educational experience is successful, it is intended to send us out into the world, and that we actually have learned something which we hope will make a difference in the lives of others. We may not feel ready, but we know (from our parents who have paid enough tuition, our faculty who believe in us, and our own yearnings to be part of something bigger) that it is time to take the next step toward greater autonomy and self-sufficiency.
André Gide, French philosopher, once commented, "Life never presents us with anything which may not be looked upon as a fresh starting point, no less than as a termination." Beginnings/endings … endings/beginnings ... are not unusual moments in otherwise set patterns, but rather for most of us in this era, a steady state, a natural part of the rhythm of life which we call "transition." As your life unfolds this semester, and in the months and years which follow, you will find yourself in one area of your life or another perennially in transition: transition from undergraduate to graduate student; from intern to formally employed, from dating to engaged, from married to parenting; from employee to manager; from middle-aged to senior citizen. These and other transitions overlap and interact, they touch our insecurities and highlight our talents, and while they never become totally easy, the familiarity of our reactions to them becomes more manageable and predictable.
So, some advice about this particular time of transition:
- Now, more than any other semester at Holy Cross, be intentional about how you spend these coming months: create space to be with those who are most important to you, have those conversations you have been waiting to have with friends and faculty, and go on a retreat, especially if you haven't done so already, in order to talk with God about who you are becoming and how you hope to serve the world. Naturally, most of us are afraid of endings and loss, and, out of fear of the pain involved, we avoid opportunities to end things well. Choose to engage and not avoid this first stage of transition, the stage of ending. Learn how to say "good-bye," even if it is really "good-bye for now."
- Take time to savor relationships and experiences which are most important to you and don't carelessly so overbook your semester that you can't really appreciate and enjoy what you have been given here.
- Expressing gratitude seems to be a diminishing skill in contemporary society. Think now about whom you should thank, and over the next few months figure out how you are going to express your gratitude. And remember, you will be approaching many of your mentors for letters of recommendation in the future! So, leave well.
- While some of you have already lined up your first job or have been accepted into graduate school, an equal number of you aren't sure what is coming next. Between the ending of one reality and the beginning of the next, author William Bridges tells us, there is a period he calls "the neutral zone" where we are left hanging and uncertain. It is typically the hardest part of any transition, because, for all of our competencies and hard work, we are not totally in control of this time. Instead, we have to wait, persevere in our search when things seem bleak, and trust in ourselves and in God. This is probably a more difficult time than an ending, because it can be filled with self-doubt and requires a lot of patience. Ironically, it can also be a time of creativity and insight into our true self and our deepest desires if we are supported by the love of others and a sense of God with us.
- For some of you, where you ultimately choose to go and what you do next won't be your preferred option. It is important to remember, especially when the economy isn't robust, that the first job isn't typically a career choice, but simply a first job! It is that commitment which gives you experience and often clarifies what you want to do next. As I look back on my own life, I can now say that I learned something important from every work experience that I have had, and some of them, especially those that didn't seem to be what I wanted at the time, gave me what I most needed in retrospect. Remember, there is no perfect job, and usually no perfect living situation. There is no perfect relationship or marriage, no perfect children (present company excluded) or perfect families. If you can accept imperfection, you can discover unexpected good. If you are thoughtful and wise, you can find something positive in any situation; and most of life is usually about discerning priorities and enduring some things in order to achieve others.
- Last year, senior Elizabeth Mahoney, came to talk to me about her future. Elizabeth had two great options: a wonderful job in Boston or a challenging year with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps in Detroit. Boston/Detroit; at first glance you might think the choice would be easy, wouldn't you? But Elizabeth thought about this a lot, consulted with family and friends, spent time in prayer, and then chose Detroit and the JVC. She explained: "As I look ahead, I may never again have the freedom to do something for others in a setting which is totally foreign to me. I can't pass this up." I called Elizabeth last week, and she told me that she is so glad that she made this choice. She misses home, family and friends, and Mount St. James, but she knows she made the right choice. And so for you: at this time in your lives when you haven't yet made major life commitments, this is the moment to take some risks and take on something challenging, especially if, in this choice, you will make a difference in the lives of others. Today, as our nation celebrates the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., it is a good day to think about making a difference. And you never know in these choices to make a difference when your "call," or the direction of your life, will be revealed to you.
- Finally, there is a lot of pressure in our highly competitive world to be the best, the most successful, the highest paid, the most sought-after. And there will be many opportunities where, if you choose, you can cut corners, avoid responsibilities, devalue commitments, and use others in order to get ahead, to be seen as the best, the most successful or the highest paid. I encourage you to have pride in who you are and what you believe. Find good friends who support your best self. You will never regret living authentically, justly and thoughtfully later in life when you look back on whom you have become.
And so, as this new year and this important semester begin, the transition from Holy Cross to the so-called "real world" also begins. Beginnings, endings, transition … the cycle unfolds and you can make it what you want it to be, if you are intentional, face endings thoughtfully, take some risks and make good choices. God bless you.
Philip L. Boroughs, S.J.