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By
Michelle M. Murphy
 Caitlin
Brennan '03, an economics major
from Wellesley, Mass., can still remember her mother's
reaction when she told her she was going on retreat—a
five-day, silent retreat known as the Spiritual Exercises
of St. Ignatius Loyola.
She said: "How are you going to do that?" Brennan
recalls with a laugh.
But in August 2001, at the beginning of her
third year, that's just what she did. Along with 49
other undergraduates, two Jesuits and a chaplain from the
Chaplains' Office, Brennan spent five days at a retreat
center on the water in Narragansett, R.I., praying, walking
the beach, reflecting, eating—and never speaking. And
she says it was one of the best experiences she has had at
Holy Cross.
"You leave there and you feel so comfortable
with yourself," Brennan recalls, as enthusiastically
as if she had returned just yesterday. "You realize
that all things, good or bad, make you who you are right
now—and that's good! That's who you are! God
loves you, so you should love you.
"You come away with a profound sense of
peace, of a personal relationship with God," she continues. "For
me, it was almost like a new leaf in my faith. I was raised
Catholic, but before, it was as if I were going through the
motions. Now I feel like I have ownership of my religion.
I'm participating because I want to. And that's
awesome."
The Spiritual Exercises: A 500-Year Tradition
In
making the retreat last year, Brennan became one of thousands
of Holy Cross students—and countless people throughout
the world—who have benefited from the Exercises at some
point over the past 500 years or so—ever since this
unique spiritual experience first took shape in a cave in
Manresa, Spain.
It was there, in 1522, that a high-living soldier
named Ignatius came to know God during his convalescence
from a war injury. "During his recuperation at Loyola,
he read about the lives of the saints," explains Rev.
Michael Ford, S.J., an associate chaplain who directs the
Spiritual Exercises for Holy Cross. "He was enthralled
by their stories. He began daydreaming about performing great
exploits for God, rather than the chivalric exploits he'd
focused on before. This would lead to his conversion of heart.
"Leaving Loyola, Ignatius lived as a hermit
in a cave in Manresa. He lived there for about a year," Fr.
Ford continues. "He was battling with his soul, and
God was teaching him with great patience. And that's
where the Spiritual Exercises take form. Ignatius began to
see how God was speaking to him and how God was directing
him and helping him come to self-knowledge. He realized you
can find God in all things. And ultimately, that is the great
lesson of the Exercises."
When Ignatius emerged from that cave, he felt
compelled to talk to people about God—and discovered
that they were all too happy to listen. "This method
of attracting people through spiritual conversation is something
that Ignatius prized," Fr. Ford explains, "and
it's very characteristic of Jesuits today. It helps
other people see where God is in their lives."
At first, Ignatius gave the Exercises himself,
one-on-one; then, his followers were trained to give them,
too. "This was the primary and first work of the Jesuits," says
Fr. Ford. "This was the beginning of the Society of
Jesus. By the time Ignatius died in 1556, there were 1,000
Jesuits and 60 Jesuit schools all over the world."
Today, the Exercises remain at the heart of
the Order.
"It is through the Spiritual Exercises
that we Jesuits learn to pray and to establish a personal
relationship with Jesus Christ," explains Rev. Michael
C. McFarland, S.J., president of Holy Cross. "We make
the full Exercises for 30 days at the very beginning of our
time as Jesuits and at least one more time at the end of
formation, 10 or more years later. We renew the experience
with an eight-day retreat each year. The Exercises are at
the very center of our spirituality and are the primary means
for sharing that spirituality with others."
"They are at the root of my calling," confirms
Rev. Gerard McKeon, S.J., '76, assistant chaplain, who
says he decided for sure to become a priest while making
the Spiritual Exercises during his third year at Holy Cross. "I
find it amazing that although the language (of the Exercises)
seems to be from another century, it is still so adaptable
to modern times.
"That's because there is a certain
timelessness to the basic questions people ask—questions
about loveableness. Sinfulness. The need to be healed. Getting
in touch with a Christian faith life," he continues. "The
(retreat) director allows God to deal personally and directly
with each retreatant—what the person wants to pray about,
to focus on. That's why the dynamic is always new. It's
about how God wants to tap into each person's experience … their struggles, their choices.
"The Exercises are what attracted me to
the order," he concludes, "and they are the reason
I remain a Jesuit today."
"The Heart of Holy Cross"
Here
at Holy Cross, students have been making the Spiritual Exercises
ever since the College was founded in 1843. For more than
100 years, there was no choice in the matter: The school
would close for a week each October, and every student would
go on retreat. But by the late 1950s, it became obvious that
this method wasn't working too well. "You can't
force people to pray!" says Fr. Ford.
That's when a charismatic Jesuit named
Rev. Joseph LaBran, S.J., '38 came into the picture.
The Exercises, no longer mandatory, were offered four or
five times a year, for 50 students at a time. They were still
filled to capacity—but this time it was with students
who wanted to be there, drawn by the mystery and the magic
of the Jesuit who conducted every single one of the retreats
from 1958 until he retired in 2000.
"I loved it, I loved it, I loved it!" Fr.
LaBran says without hesitation. "It was never the same.
It was always different people, different thoughts … every
retreat had its own specific gifts. And very, very few people—maybe
10 over all those years of retreats—left before it ended.
"The Exercises are about the art of living
the Gospel message in daily life," continues Fr. LaBran,
87, who now resides at the Campion Health Center in Weston,
Mass. "Each person born into this world has a unique
outpouring of divine love; each person has a treasure inside
them. We must find out what that gift is; rejoice in it;
treasure it; try to share it. Whatever the call might be,
the Exercises give good direction toward the goal of living
a Christian life.
"The heart, the foundation, of Holy Cross
is in the Exercises," he declares.
During the past 15 years or so, the Exercises
have been challenged yet again, but this time by two modern
realities: expense, and overloaded schedules.
"The cost of retreat houses everywhere
has increased dramatically in the past few years," explains
Kim McElaney, '76, director of the Office of College
Chaplains since 1992. "And we can absorb some of it,
but we have to pass some of the costs along to the students,
too. Unfortunately, the cost of making the Exercises has
become increasingly prohibitive."
Until this year, it cost $300 to go on the
five-day Spiritual Exercises at Our Lady of Peace Spiritual
Life Center in Narragansett, R.I. "That's an awful
lot of money for some students," says Fr. Ford.
The LaBran Millard Fund, established by Charles
E.F. Millard '54 in 1999, helped defray the cost for
several students each year to go on retreat in Narragansett,
and this year, Carrol A. Muccia '58 made a very welcome
gift of $1 million to endow retreat programs (see
sidebar).
"I was speechless," recalls McElaney,
when she heard about the gift. "The gift immediately
allowed us to cut the cost of the Exercises to $100. Beginning
in January, we will be able to offer them free of charge
as a kind of ‘gift' to students who are in positions
of particular service to the College (such as RAs).
"Cost will no longer be an issue for any
student who really wants to go on retreat," she asserts. "This
is the kind of value we want to place on helping kids come
to know God during their undergraduate years. We see that
as a priority."
Of course, the students themselves still need
to make the time to go. "They have so many things going
on in their lives," says Fr. McKeon. "That is a
real issue. There just weren't as many distractions
in my day."
Indeed, the Chaplains' Office has eliminated
the Exercises that used to be held during spring break in
March, because of a decline in attendance. Many students
use that time for service projects (in Appalachia or Habitat
for Humanity, for instance) or to escape to warmer weather.
Now, the Exercises are offered in August, October and January.
Still, the number of Holy Cross students who
participate in the Spiritual Exercises and other forms of
retreat is impressive. "A recent survey indicated that
more than 20 percent of our students have made retreats here
at Holy Cross," says Fr. McFarland. "Since that
survey covered all classes, one can infer that by senior
year the percentage is much higher."
The Exercises Today
But the Spiritual
Exercises are not for everyone. In fact, a member of the
Chaplains' Office interviews all retreat applicants
before-hand to make sure they understand what the program
entails.
The big thing, of course, is the silence. After
an introductory meal on the evening they arrive, students
are invited to "embrace the mystery of the silence," in
the vernacular of the Exercises. This means that, aside from
individual sessions they may have with a Jesuit or chaplain,
the students do not speak at all for five days.
"Not too many people go through life without
talking for a week. Some people can't even imagine not
talking for 45 minutes!" laughs Charles Meyer, the valedictorian
of the Class of 2000, who went on the Exercises during his
first year at Holy Cross. "It was an intense experience.
But Fr. LaBran kept reminding us that we were doing it for
a purpose. That made it easier."
"Lighthearted conversation could interrupt
the rhythm of the retreat," explains McElaney. "The
silence helps retreatants to be drawn in and to be present
to God all day, even at meals … Typically, at first
some students find the silence difficult, but by the end
of the week, they don't want to leave! I think that
says something about our need for quiet, for introspective
time. We don't have that in our daily lives."
Mealtimes are tough, she concedes. "It's
awkward for the first meal; maybe the second," she says. "But
they get used to it. And they handle it differently. Some
people eat and leave right away. Some come late and eat quickly.
Others will just sit and become lost in meditation while
eating, not even noticing with whom they sat."
Throughout their time in Narragansett, students
attend four different talks each day, given by a Jesuit or
chaplain. Each has a theme—the meaning of sin, for instance,
or the concept of "giftedness." Articles, scripture
readings or prayers are handed out as supplements. Students
are invited to write in journals; to sit and pray, either
in their rooms or elsewhere on the grounds; or to walk the
beach and gaze at the sea.
"We encourage them to recognize God's
presence in creation, in the nature that's all around
them," says Fr. McKeon. "Many of them go out to
see the sun rise, which is just about the only time they'd
get up that early! They tell us, when they share, that the
water speaks to them, to their moods. It helps them go deeper
during the retreat."
"There was snow on the ground, grey skies,
and a stormy ocean at our doorstep … it was very peaceful," recalls
Mark Ward '86, who went on the Exercises in January
1984—his first retreat ever. "Through silence,
time alone, walking by the sea, reflecting on scripture,
I found myself focusing on the enormity of God and the internal
peace which can be found when one truly seeks God."
The retreat ends with a closing liturgy, a
time when all the participants are invited to share their
reflections after the Gospel. "That's typically
a very powerful experience," says McElaney. "It
could go on for one or two hours. For some, that's the
place where the Exercises really come together. It absolutely
knocks some of them off their horses to hear and to realize
how present God is, and has been, during these days."
Variations on the Theme: Other Retreat Options
Although
the Spiritual Exercises set the tone and remain the backbone
of the retreat programs at Holy Cross, several other prayer
opportunities, taking place both at the College and off campus,
have been made available to students during the past 15 years
or so (see sidebar).
"We discontinue some retreats and start
others, depending on their relevance to what's going
on in the world or in the lives of the students at a given
time," says Marybeth Kearns-Barrett '84, associate
chaplain and director of service and social justice programs.
For example, on average, 75 first-year students
participate in "Escape," an overnight retreat held
at Camp Bement in Charlton, Mass., during their first month
of college. Intended as a community-builder, Escape begins
with a bonfire prayer service on Friday night and continues
on Saturday with a day on a ropes course in the woods. "There
are all sorts of group challenge activities—nothing
you can do by yourself," says Kearns-Barrett. "Later,
a facilitator helps students process the experience. He or
she talks with them about what they have learned and helps
them make connections to the Holy Cross experience: ‘How
can I be open to a different voice or perspective? How can
I be attentive to and inclusive of others?' They leave
the Escape with a sense of feeling connected, and they want
to hold on to that when they get back to campus."
One of the hallmarks of Escape is that upperclass
students help run it. "It is wonderful to see how much
the students contribute to shaping our retreat program," observes
Kearns-Barrett. "It's exciting to see them provide
leadership. The Escape is so rich because of what student
leaders bring to it."
In fact, another popular off-campus retreat,
Manresa, was added five years ago at the suggestion (and
carefully prepared proposal) of a student. Teams of 10 students
(five men and five women, from all faiths), plus a director
or coordinator, lead this weekend of reflection and sharing
about faith, family and friends at a retreat house in Vermont. "Its
name has great significance for Jesuit institutions. We use
it to convey the idea that anyplace could be a ‘Manresa' if
we find God there," explains McElaney.
"I attended Manresa my sophomore year," explains
Cymetra Williams '03, just after her uncle, with whom
she lived, died suddenly. She had lost both her parents as
an adolescent. "When I got there, I thought it was a
peaceful place, and the only expectation was that you went
at your own pace and felt comfortable. The leadership was
non-threatening. The students were sharing a piece of themselves
in the hope that you could better cope with your experiences
and learn more about where you wanted to be in your life.
"I also went during my third year, as
a student leader, and I didn't think I could fulfill
my duties because of new struggles in my family life," she
recalls. "I went anyway. I think God has a way of putting
you where you need to be, because once again Manresa was
in a sense a lifesaver."
In addition to off-campus retreats, the Chaplains' Office
also sponsors a variety of on-campus programs that give students
the opportunity to "retreat" from daily life, if
only for an hour or two, for prayerful contemplation. For
instance, the "got dreams?" program, funded by
the Lilly Vocation Grant, which is open only to fourth-year
students, runs for an hour per week for 10 weeks. "This
is a way of applying the exercise of retreat to daily life," explains
Kearns-Barrett. "It's a reason to pause, to stop
what we're doing, and try to help students in their
final year reflect on what's important to them and where
they are in response to God's invitation to them."
Why Go?
Students who may already feel
that they have too many things to do—too much schoolwork,
too many hours at a job, too little time to relax with friends
and family—may feel justified in asking: "Why should
I go on the Exercises, or on any retreat for that matter?
Why should I—how can I—take time to go off
on my own just to think?"
The answer, in a nutshell: It's well worth
it.
"We hear all the time from alumni and
students what a profound effect the experience has had on
them," says Fr. McFarland. "It is an important
source of self-knowledge, the foundation of a more real and
more passionate relationship to Jesus Christ, and a wellspring
of generosity. A retreat will make you a happier, more grounded
and more generous person."
"For some people, it's a shake-up
experience; there's an ‘ah-ha' moment that
changes them," says Meyer, who is currently working
as a naval intelligence officer on the USS Wasp in
Norfolk, Va. "For me, the Exercises reinforced and validated
the fact that service to others had to be part of what I'd
do in my life. That my relationship with God and the folks
around me is number one. And the gratitude we should have
for God's love, for who we are, for the people in our
lives, and making sure we live our lives in response to that.
It's so simple. But it rings true for me every single
day."
"Now my focus is more on the little things
of life," agrees Brennan. "There is a pervasive
attitude of appreciation and gratitude. For every day. For
every thing. Now, when I begin to pray, I begin with thanks:
for my warm bed. Because I just ate dinner. Because I have
awesome parents and stepparents. Great friends. I learned
that prayer doesn't have to be so formal. It's
more of a conversation, like talking to a friend. The retreat
made God and Catholicism a little bit more accessible to
me.
"If you go and really immerse yourself,
you'll leave with the most profound sense of inner peace
that you'll ever really feel," she concludes.
$1-Million Gift Will Make Retreats
Affordable for All
Sidebar >
Retreats Currently Offered
at Holy Cross
Sidebar >
Michelle Murphy is a free-lance writer from West Hartford,
Conn.
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